Week of February 24, 2025
Orion Moonsong, celestial eavesdropper extraordinaire…
While we’re all busy with our earthly concerns, this astronomical busybody is up there tuning into the universe’s gossip channel, nodding along as Betelgeuse dishes the dirt on Rigel’s latest supernova fashion disaster or giggling when the Little Dipper shares a joke that’s been traveling across the cosmos for light-years. Talk about having friends in high places—Orion’s social network extends literally billions of miles in every direction!
Each week, Orion shares starry secrets with you, written in their notebook with glittery gel pens and decorated with tiny star stickers. The planets are Orion’s friends, and they tell Orion all sorts of helpful hints to pass along to you!
So snuggle up and read what the bubbly stars have to say about your week ahead! Remember, even when clouds come, the stars are still there, winking and playing hide-and-seek behind them! ✨💖
Aries (March 21-April 19)
Mars is giving you extra energy this week—unfortunately, it forgot to include the instruction manual. Try not to start fifteen projects at once or challenge your boss to an arm-wrestling contest. Channel that fire into something productive, like finally organizing that junk drawer that’s been judging you since 2019. Watch out on Thursday when your impulsivity reaches new heights, potentially leading to an ill-advised haircut or spontaneous adoption of an exotic pet. Pro tip: neither ferrets nor mohawks are as low-maintenance as they initially seem.
Taurus (April 20-May 20)
Venus suggests it’s time to treat yourself, but your bank account suggests otherwise. Find a middle ground—perhaps enjoying a fancy coffee while wearing sweatpants. The stars indicate someone close might ask to borrow money; the stars also indicate your sudden “phone problems” will be very convincing. This weekend, your stubbornness reaches epic proportions—you’ll wait in line for 45 minutes at your favorite restaurant rather than walk 10 feet to the equally good place next door. The universe respects your commitment to principle, if not your logic.
Gemini (May 21-June 20)
Your legendary conversation skills are supercharged this week. You could talk a fish into buying swimming lessons. Just remember that listening is also a skill—one that might prevent you from accidentally agreeing to host the next family reunion while distracted by your own brilliant monologue. By Wednesday, you’ll have developed at least three new personality traits based on documentaries you’ve watched. Your friends will be fascinated by your sudden expertise in deep-sea creatures, medieval weaponry, or whatever YouTube algorithm has decided is your destiny.
Cancer (June 21-July 22)
The moon is amplifying your emotions, making you feel everything at maximum volume. That commercial with the rescue puppies might require a full box of tissues. Use this sensitivity to connect with loved ones, but maybe avoid making major decisions based on how that one sad song made you feel. Your home becomes your fortress midweek—expect to nest aggressively, possibly involving unnecessary throw pillow purchases and ambitious baking projects that leave your kitchen looking like a flour bomb exploded. Your sourdough starter now has a name and possibly its own Instagram account.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
The spotlight finds you even when you’re trying to be incognito. Your attempt at “blending in” this week will be about as successful as a peacock at a penguin convention. Embrace it! Your natural charisma will help solve a workplace dilemma, though your victory dance might be a bit much. By Friday, someone will have taken a video of you doing something ordinary in an extraordinary way, threatening to make you internet famous. Practice your “I woke up like this” face, just in case. Remember: even your grocery shopping looks like a red carpet event.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
Mercury brings mental clarity, allowing you to spot the flaws in everyone’s plans with terrifying accuracy. Try to package your critiques with compliments unless you enjoy eating lunch alone. Your organizational skills peak midweek—consider tackling that mess you call a closet before the universe returns you to normal. This weekend, you’ll reach new heights of perfectionism when you alphabetize your spice rack, color-code your closet, and create a spreadsheet to track the optimal ripeness window for your fruit bowl. Someone will ask if you’re okay, but they just don’t understand your vision.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
You’ll spend approximately 87 hours this week trying to choose between virtually identical options. The cosmic advice: flip a coin and be done with it. Friday brings a social opportunity where your diplomatic skills prevent World War III from breaking out over game night rules. Your aesthetic sense reaches supernatural levels over the weekend—you’ll rearrange furniture at 2 AM because the energy feels “off,” and somehow convince your housemates this is perfectly reasonable behavior. Just remember that not everyone appreciates unsolicited design advice, especially when it involves their “hideous” coffee table they inherited from grandma.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
Pluto is intensifying your already intense intensity. Try not to stare into people’s souls during casual conversations—it makes ordering coffee awkward. A mystery at work has you playing detective; just remember that trenchcoats and magnifying glasses send mixed signals in professional settings. Tuesday brings an opportunity to use your psychological x-ray vision for good when you notice a friend needs help but won’t ask for it. Your ability to hold a grudge reaches Olympic levels by the weekend—consider whether that person who cut you off in traffic three years ago really deserves this much mental real estate.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
Jupiter expands your already expansive optimism, convincing you that learning underwater basket weaving while training for a marathon is totally reasonable. Scale back slightly. Your honesty will be appreciated by everyone except that friend who asked if their new haircut looks good. By Thursday, you’ll have planned a theoretical vacation so ambitious it would require time travel and a lottery win to accomplish. Your stories reach new heights of exaggeration—what started as “I saw a big dog” somehow ends with “…and that’s how I saved the neighborhood from the wolf-bear hybrid.” Your friends are entertained, if skeptical.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
Saturn rewards your hard work with…more work. Congratulations? Your efficiency frightens coworkers who wonder if you’re secretly three productive people in a trenchcoat. Take a break midweek before your calendar becomes so color-coded it requires a legend to decipher. This weekend, your ambition takes a bizarre turn when you decide to master an obscure skill nobody asked for—possibly competitive origami or professional-level cheese identification. The stars suggest that while impressive, this may not be the resume builder you think it is. Your family is concerned about your definition of “relaxing.”
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
Uranus inspires an idea so unconventional that explaining it to others will result in concerned stares. Don’t worry—history is full of misunderstood geniuses. Just maybe wait until after the staff meeting to share your vision for office communication via interpretive dance. By Wednesday, you’ll have developed a theory about society that’s either revolutionary or completely nonsensical—there is no middle ground. Your fashion choices this weekend will leave people wondering if you’re starting a trend or having an existential crisis. The answer is both, obviously.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
Neptune blurs the lines between dreams and reality, making you question if that conversation with your cat actually happened. Your creativity peaks, making you the person to call for birthday poem emergencies. Just remember that crying during heartwarming commercials in public places requires explanation. Midweek brings a daydream so vivid you’ll miss your bus stop and end up in an unfamiliar neighborhood, which you’ll somehow convince yourself was meant to be. By Saturday, you’ll have started an art project inspired by a feeling you can’t describe using materials you found “speaking to you” at the hardware store. It makes perfect sense to you, and that’s all that matters.
