Orion Moonsong, celestial eavesdropper extraordinaire…
While we’re all busy with our earthly concerns, this astronomical busybody is up there tuning into the universe’s gossip channel, nodding along as Betelgeuse dishes the dirt on Rigel’s latest supernova fashion disaster or giggling when the Little Dipper shares a joke that’s been traveling across the cosmos for light-years. Talk about having friends in high places—Orion’s social network extends literally billions of miles in every direction!
Each week, Orion shares starry secrets with you, written in their notebook with glittery gel pens and decorated with tiny star stickers. The planets are Orion’s friends, and they tell Orion all sorts of helpful hints to pass along to you!
Buckle up, stargazers—the cosmos is dishing out advice with a side of sass. Here’s your witty, in-depth guide to navigating the week ahead, because the universe doesn’t do boring.
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
Oh, Aries, your vibe this week is like a firecracker in a windstorm—explosive, unpredictable, and maybe a little dangerous. The sun’s fueling your inner daredevil, so you’re itching to charge into something big, whether it’s a new project, a spicy flirtation, or an argument with your Wi-Fi router. Tuesday’s your power day: the stars align to give your bold moves a cosmic high-five. Just don’t go full chaotic gremlin and, say, challenge your boss to a duel over the last donut. Midweek, Mars (your ruling planet) might tempt you to pick a fight—breathe, count to ten, and save your warrior energy for the gym or a killer pitch. By the weekend, a surprise social invite could lead to laughs or a story you’ll tell for years. Pro tip: Avoid impulsive purchases, like that $200 neon cowboy hat you’ll wear exactly once.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
Taurus, you’re craving the good life—think plush blankets, gourmet snacks, and zero drama. Too bad the universe is serving a kale smoothie of chaos instead. Early in the week, expect minor disruptions: a delayed package, a cryptic text from a friend, or a coworker who “replies all” with nonsense. Venus, your ruling planet, swoops in by Thursday, helping you find clarity in the mess (and maybe even in that laundry pile you’ve dubbed “Sculpture No. 3”). This is a great time to treat yourself—think a fancy coffee or a new plant, not a diamond-encrusted waffle iron. Saturday’s stars nudge you toward a heart-to-heart with someone close; it’ll feel like a warm hug, even if it’s via Zoom. Pro tip: Your stubborn streak might flare—compromise doesn’t mean defeat, it just means you’re not a toddler.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
Gemini, your brain’s a circus this week, juggling ideas, memes, and half-baked plans like a caffeinated ringmaster. Mercury’s buzzing in your sign, making you extra chatty but also prone to scattering your focus like confetti. Wednesday’s your day to lasso those wild thoughts—pick one project or convo and give it your all. You’ll charm the socks off anyone, so save your wit for a new connection (or a pet adoption form) instead of texting your ex at 2 a.m. The stars warn of a Friday fumble: double-check emails before hitting send, unless you want your boss reading about your “epic taco night.” By Sunday, a quirky hobby or random fact you share could spark a surprising bond. Pro tip: Silence your phone during deep talks—your notifications are not the main character.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
Cancer, you’re channeling your inner hermit crab, ready to retreat into your cozy shell with a mug of tea and a rom-com marathon. But the moon, your celestial BFF, is pushing you to peek out and engage. Early week feels moody—maybe you’re overthinking a friend’s vague comment or stress-eating gummy bears. By Friday, a pal’s invite (or a random DM) could pull you into a night of unexpected fun. Say yes, even if it’s just karaoke over video chat—it might be the highlight of your week or at least a hilarious disaster. Your intuition’s sharper than ever, so trust it when making choices, like whether to ghost that sketchy “wellness” brand on Instagram. Pro tip: Set boundaries with energy vampires; your heart’s a treasure, not a free buffet.
Leo (July 23 – August 22)
Bow, peasants—Leo’s stealing the spotlight this week, and you’re loving every second. The sun’s in your corner, making you magnetic enough to charm a room or a Zoom. Midweek, a work or creative opportunity sparkles like a disco ball—seize it, but don’t oversell yourself into promising a TED Talk by next month. Your confidence is peaking, but Jupiter’s throwing a tiny humility check: listen as much as you dazzle, or you’ll miss a key detail. Saturday’s perfect for strutting your stuff, whether it’s a bold outfit or a killer playlist. Romance-wise, someone’s catching feels, but play it cool—nobody likes a lion who roars too loud. Pro tip: Resist the urge to post every moment; mystery is your secret weapon.
Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
Virgo, your to-do list is longer than a Tolkien novel, and you’re tackling it with the precision of a NASA engineer. But Mercury’s mischievous this week, so expect a few hiccups—think misplaced keys or a spreadsheet that betrays you. Wednesday’s your day to regroup: prioritize one task and let the rest wait (yes, even those fitted sheets). A surprise on Saturday—maybe a gift, a compliment, or a random act of kindness—reminds you life’s not all checklists. Your analytical superpowers are in demand, so don’t be shocked if someone begs for your advice. Romantically, a subtle flirt could bloom, but only if you stop overthinking their emoji choices. Pro tip: Take a break to dance or doodle—it’s not procrastination, it’s soul maintenance.
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
Libra, you’re usually the zodiac’s diplomat, but this week feels like you’re juggling flaming torches while riding a unicycle… blindfolded. Work or family drama might tip your scales early on, but Venus brings a calming breeze by Thursday, helping you make a decision you’ve been dodging (like whether to ghost that group chat). Your charm’s dialed up, so flirt with confidence—just maybe not with your neighbor’s sentient vacuum cleaner. The weekend’s ideal for aesthetic upgrades: redecorate, refresh your wardrobe, or at least curate a new playlist. A kind gesture from a stranger could restore your faith in humanity. Pro tip: Say no to one obligation—you’re not a circus clown, despite the juggling act.
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
Scorpio, your intensity’s cranked to maximum, and the universe is handing you a megaphone. Around Tuesday, someone notices your magnetic aura—could be a crush, a colleague, or even a random barista who comps your coffee. Use your powers for good, not for plotting revenge over that coworker who stole your stapler. Pluto’s stirring your depths, so expect a revelation by Sunday, maybe during a late-night chat or a scroll through old photos. Money-wise, avoid impulse buys (no, you don’t need a scorpion-shaped lamp). Your dreams are extra vivid—jot them down; they might hold clues. Pro tip: Let one grudge go; it’s taking up prime real estate in your soul.
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
Adventure’s whispering your name, Sag, but it might just be a telemarketer from the cosmos. Before you yeet yourself into the unknown (or book a spontaneous trip to a place you can’t pronounce), ground yourself. Friday’s stars highlight a chance to learn—maybe a new skill, a random documentary, or a friend’s wild life hack. Jupiter’s boosting your optimism, making you the life of every party, virtual or otherwise. Just don’t let your enthusiasm trick you into overspending or oversharing (that group chat doesn’t need your manifesto). Romance sparks if you keep it light—think playful banter, not a marriage proposal. Pro tip: Pack snacks for your adventures; hanger is your true nemesis.
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)
Cap, you’re climbing the ambition mountain, but this week’s path has some loose rocks. Saturn’s testing your patience—think delayed emails or a project that’s suddenly “urgent.” Double-check details on Wednesday to avoid a slip-up that’ll haunt your inbox. Your hard work pays off by Friday, when a boss or mentor notices your hustle. The weekend’s for unwinding: trade your laptop for a glass of something strong and a good book. A small romantic or family moment could warm your pragmatic heart—just don’t schedule the feels like a meeting. Pro tip: Delegate one task; you’re not a superhero, even if your cape’s in the mail.
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
Aquarius, your brain’s a lightning storm of ideas, and you’re ready to revolutionize… something. Uranus, your rebel planet, is sparking genius, but also a touch of chaos—think “Eureka!” followed by “Where’s my phone?” Thursday’s your day to channel those wild thoughts into a project, pitch, or even a viral post. Connect with someone who matches your quirky energy; they’ll get your alien jokes or at least nod politely. Avoid debates with stubborn types midweek—they’re not ready for your TED Talk. A random act of kindness could boomerang back to you by Sunday. Pro tip: Write down your ideas; your brain’s not a steel trap, it’s more like a colander.
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
Pisces, you’re swimming in an ocean of emotions, and Neptune’s turning up the tide. Early week might feel like you’re lost in a fog—blame it on a vague text or a song that hits too hard. By Friday, your creative juices are flowing like a cosmic paint spill—dive into art, writing, or even a TikTok dance. A kind gesture from an unexpected source (maybe a coworker or a stranger) could make your heart do a happy flip. Trust your instincts on money or love decisions; your gut’s smarter than that “finance guru” on YouTube. Pro tip: Set a timer for daydreams, or you’ll miss your bus stop… again.
Disclaimer: The stars are just vibing, not legally binding. If your week goes sideways, blame Mercury—it’s always up to no good.
