Orion Moonsong, celestial eavesdropper extraordinaire…

While we’re all busy with our earthly concerns, this astronomical busybody is up there tuning into the universe’s gossip channel, nodding along as Betelgeuse dishes the dirt on Rigel’s latest supernova fashion disaster or giggling when the Little Dipper shares a joke that’s been traveling across the cosmos for light-years. Talk about having friends in high places—Orion’s social network extends literally billions of miles in every direction!

Each week, Orion shares starry secrets with you, written in their notebook with glittery gel pens and decorated with tiny star stickers. The planets are Orion’s friends, and they tell Orion all sorts of helpful hints to pass along to you!

So snuggle up and read what the bubbly stars have to say about your week ahead! Remember, even when clouds come, the stars are still there, winking and playing hide-and-seek behind them!

Weekly Horoscope: March 2-8, 2025

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Mars is doing jumping jacks in your productivity sector this week. You’ll have so much energy you might accidentally finish your coworkers’ projects alongside your own. Try not to look too smug when everyone wonders how you cloned yourself. Remember: coffee is not a personality trait, even if you’re drinking enough to float a small boat.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Venus is sending flirtatious vibes to your bank account this week. Your financial intuition is so on point that your credit card might actually call to thank you for your restraint. That furniture you’ve been eyeing for six months? The universe says it’s finally time—but maybe ask for a discount first. Your stubbornness is finally paying off in the form of patience.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Mercury is playing hopscotch across your communication house, making you even chattier than usual—if that’s even cosmically possible. You might find yourself texting three people simultaneously while also ordering coffee. The barista doesn’t need your life story, but they’re too polite to stop you. Try channeling some of that verbal energy into writing; your shopping list could turn into accidental poetry.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

The moon, your ruling planet, is feeling particularly emotional this week—must be watching rom-coms again. Your intuition is so heightened you’ll know what people need before they do, making you both helpful and slightly terrifying. Your home is calling for attention; perhaps those dishes that have been “soaking” since Tuesday deserve their freedom at last.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

The sun is doing cartwheels in your creativity sector. Your hair looks fantastic this week—even on your designated bad hair day. People will be drawn to your magnetic personality, though this may just be the static electricity from your new synthetic sweater. Use this cosmic spotlight wisely; not every opinion needs an audience, even if your delivery is award-worthy.

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Mercury is reorganizing your already meticulously organized life. You might find yourself alphabetizing your spice rack at 2 AM because it “just feels right.” This week’s planetary alignment supports creating new systems, but perhaps your friends don’t need their sock drawers color-coded as a birthday gift. Your attention to detail will solve a mystery no one else even noticed existed.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Venus is balancing precariously in your relationship house, much like how you balance your need to please everyone while simultaneously making zero decisions. A surprising conversation mid-week will finally help you choose between two options you’ve been weighing since last November. Just remember: picking a restaurant shouldn’t require a pro/con spreadsheet.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Pluto is intensifying your already intense intensity. People may ask if you’re okay simply because of the way you’re staring at your phone. You’re not plotting revenge; that’s just your focused face. Your investigative skills peak on Thursday—perfect for finding that missing sock or uncovering your roommate’s secret snack stash. Use your powers for good, not for unnecessarily dramatic confrontations.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Jupiter is expanding your already expansive optimism this week. You’ll convince yourself that five new projects are totally manageable, despite all evidence to the contrary. Your enthusiasm is contagious, though your attention span remains comparable to a squirrel’s. An impulsive decision mid-week could lead to an unexpected adventure or another unfinished hobby cluttering your space.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Saturn is working overtime in your career sector, much like you always do. The stars support advancing your goals, but they also suggest you might not actually turn to dust if you take a day off. Your pragmatism saves the day on Wednesday when everyone else is panicking over a minor setback. Remember: responding “I told you so” is satisfying but rarely appreciated.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Uranus, your ruling planet, is sending electric shocks of inspiration. You’ll have at least three revolutionary ideas this week that could change the world—or at least reorganize your kitchen in a way no one has ever seen before. Your unique perspective is valued, even when people look confused as you explain your theories. Not everyone can understand your visionary brilliance right away.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Neptune is swimming laps in your imagination pool. Your dreams might be so vivid this week that you’ll have trouble distinguishing them from reality. No, your cat probably isn’t plotting world domination, regardless of how convincing that dream felt. Your compassion peaks on Friday, making you everyone’s favorite shoulder to cry on. Just remember to wring yourself out afterward.

Remember, these horoscopes are about as scientifically accurate as claiming your personality is determined by your preference in breakfast cereals—but significantly more entertaining. Whatever the stars may or may not be saying, have a wonderful week!