As a Registered Psychotherapist, parents ask me what is the difference between a temper tantrum and a meltdown?
It is difficult to tell sometimes for sure. Knowing whether it’s a tantrum or meltdown will help you effectively manage and support your child during these episodes.
| Components | Temper Tantrum | Emotional Meltdown |
| Definition | Outbursts of frustration and anger that is often intentional | Overwhelming emotional response that is often unintentional |
| Triggers | Frustration from not achieving a goal, being denied something, not getting their way | Stress and anxiety, emotional overwhelm and sensory overload |
| Control | Within the child’s control to some extent | Mostly beyond the child’s control |
| Duration | Usually short, lasting a few minutes | Can last from minutes to hours |
| Emotional Response | Annoyance, frustration, anger | Confusion, overwhelmed, fear |
| Physical Response | Possible aggression, red face, clenched fists | Possible aggression, increased heart rate, sweating |
| Behaviour | Crying, screaming, stomping feet, throwing things | Crying, screaming, shutting down, self-soothing hehaviours |
| Age Appropriateness | Most common in younger children | Can occur at any age of childhood |
As you can see from the chart above, there are many differences between a temper tantrum and an emotional meltdown. (ref: Psychology Today). Once you identify which it is, you can choose the most effective way to manage and support your children.
Let’s consider other aspects of the temper tantrum and how parents can help their child. Psychology Today states that Temper tantrums are a normal part of childhood development. Children, especially toddlers, sometimes struggle to control and express their emotions. As we learn to regulate emotions and verbalize our needs better, we typically grow out of having these outbursts. It is important to set boundaries with your child. When children know what to expect, tantrums will lessen. Parents need to manage their own emotions during a tantrum and remain calm. This will help your child calm down sooner. Children who have tantrums are often seeking attention or a specific goal. Remember to ‘catch your child doing something good’ which means that using descriptive praise is an effective way to encourage your child to behaviour in a positive manner. Another thing that parents can do is to show their child appropriate ways to express emotions through their own behaviour. Once the tantrum is over, acknowledge, with your child, the effort it took for them to calm down.
When we are dealing with an emotional meltdown, we need to guide and support children throughout this challenging time with empathy. As parents, we need to recognize that meltdowns may take longer to recover from and children often feel exhausted when it’s over. We can also help by providing a calm, safe environment that will help decrease fear and help them feel safe. Meltdowns can be an indication that your child maybe dealing with increased worry or anxiety. The Anxiety Disorders Association of Canada reports that anxiety disorders are the most common mental health concern for children and youth today.
If you are concerned with your child’s tantrums or meltdowns, I can provide support and effective strategies to both you as a parent and also your child. Please feel free to contact me at 705-794-5307 or [email protected].
