YIKES! Horoscopes by Orion Moonsong | For the Week of April 28th, 2025

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Orion Moonsong, celestial eavesdropper extraordinaire…

While we’re all busy with our earthly concerns, this astronomical busybody is up there tuning into the universe’s gossip channel, nodding along as Betelgeuse dishes the dirt on Rigel’s latest supernova fashion disaster or giggling when the Little Dipper shares a joke that’s been traveling across the cosmos for light-years. Talk about having friends in high places—Orion’s social network extends literally billions of miles in every direction!

Each week, Orion shares starry secrets with you, written in their notebook with glittery gel pens and decorated with tiny star stickers. The planets are Orion’s friends, and they tell Orion all sorts of helpful hints to pass along to you!

Horoscopes for the Week of April 28th, 2025

Buckle up for some star-studded shenanigans, tailored to make you laugh and maybe even nod in agreement.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)
Aries, you’re charging into this week like a bull in a Red Bull factory—full throttle, zero chill. Your energy’s so electric, you could power a small village, but the stars suggest pacing yourself before you crash harder than a toddler post-sugar rush. On Monday, you’ll be tempted to start a revolution over a misplaced coffee order; take a deep breath and save the rebellion for something worthier, like reorganizing your chaotic spice rack. Venus cools your jets by Thursday, nudging you toward self-care—think bubble baths, not arm-wrestling your neighbor (though we know you’d win). A spicy text or email could ignite a fun flirtation over the weekend, but only if you avoid sending “wyd” at 2 a.m. Lucky move: Say “no” to that group chat drama—it’s not worth your Wi-Fi data. Lucky snack: Spicy nachos to match your vibe.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
Taurus, you’re in full hermit mode, stockpiling snacks and grudges like it’s the apocalypse. The stars get it—those chips are your babies, but that coworker who “borrowed” your stapler in 2023? Let it go. Jupiter’s tossing you a surprise on Wednesday, maybe a work win or an unexpected Venmo from a friend (fingers crossed it’s not another password reset email). Midweek, you’ll feel the urge to splurge on something luxurious, like a $7 latte with extra foam art. Do it—you’ve earned it after surviving Monday’s inbox avalanche. Romance-wise, someone’s eyeing you, but you’ll miss it if you’re too busy guarding your fridge. Lucky color: Muffin brown (cozy and underrated). Lucky ritual: Dance to your favorite song in your PJs to shake off the week’s stress.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
Gemini, your brain’s a circus this week, juggling brilliant ideas, random trivia, and “wait, where are my keys?” Mercury’s in your corner, making you sharper than a tack, so pitch that wild plan at work before Friday—it might just get you a high-five from the boss (or at least a “let’s circle back”). Socially, you’re the MVP of every chat, from Zoom happy hours to late-night meme exchanges, but please, spare your friends the 10-minute rant about your air fryer’s life-changing presets. Tuesday’s your golden day for spontaneous fun—blast your playlist and dance like nobody’s judging (they’re not, they’re jealous). Watch out for a sneaky overshare on Saturday; not everyone needs to know your conspiracy theory about sourdough starters. Lucky day: Tuesday. Lucky emoji: 🌀 for your whirlwind energy.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
Cancer, you’re wrapped in an emotional cocoon, cozy as a burrito in a weighted blanket. The stars say it’s time to poke your head out—there’s a big, beautiful world beyond your couch cushions. A friend’s cryptic text on Saturday could spark a deep convo or just be them begging for your Hulu password (set boundaries, crabby). Your intuition’s on fire, so trust it when it whispers to skip that sketchy potluck invite. Thursday brings a warm-fuzzy moment, maybe a kind word from a coworker or a cat cuddle that hits different. If you’re single, a flirty vibe might bubble up over the weekend, but only if you stop hiding behind “I’m busy” excuses. Lucky vibe: Fuzzy socks and a good playlist. Lucky self-care: Journaling to untangle your feels.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)
Bow down, peasants—Leo’s stealing the spotlight this week, and you’re loving every second. The sun’s pumping your charisma to Beyoncé-at-Coachella levels, so strut your stuff, whether it’s nailing a presentation or slaying a TikTok dance. Midweek, a shady coworker might try to dim your shine—clap back with a witty one-liner and a hair flip (virtual or IRL, your choice). Romance is sizzling, especially on Friday, when a bold move (like sliding into those DMs) could pay off big. Just don’t overspend on that impulse buy—yes, that glittery jacket is calling, but your bank account’s screaming louder. Lucky accessory: Statement sunglasses to amplify your main-character energy. Lucky moment: A random compliment that fuels your ego all week.

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
Virgo, you’re in Sherlock Holmes mode, overanalyzing everything from your boss’s “k thx” email to your dog’s side-eye. Chill—Jupiter’s whispering that not every puzzle needs solving (yes, even that weird noise your fridge makes). A small work win on Friday—like finally fixing that spreadsheet error—will feel like an Oscar-worthy moment. Reward yourself with a nap or a binge-watch; you’ve earned it after mentally rewriting everyone’s résumés. Socially, you’re dodging drama like a pro, but don’t ghost that friend who’s been texting you heart emojis. Saturday’s perfect for a low-key hangout, preferably with snacks you didn’t have to prep. Lucky scent: Freshly printed spreadsheet (or just clean laundry). Lucky hack: Make a to-do list, then cross off one thing without doing it—rebel vibes.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)
Libra, your balance is wobblier than a flamingo on a unicycle, and Venus is begging you to pick a side. Stop hemming and hawing over that group dinner spot—commit to tacos and call it a day. A bold decision early in the week (like finally telling your roommate to wash their dishes) will clear the air. Romance is sparkling over the weekend, but only if you ditch the one-word texts—step up your game with a meme or, dare we say, an actual phone call. If you’re coupled, plan a cute date night; if single, wear that outfit you’ve been saving for “someday.” Spoiler: Someday is now. Lucky move: Rock that bold lipstick or tie you’ve been eyeing. Lucky song: Anything with a beat that screams “I’m fabulous.”

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
Scorpio, you’re serving mysterious vibes hotter than a gothic novel antihero, and everyone’s dying to crack your code. Pluto’s fueling your intensity, so channel it into something productive—like finally tackling that passion project or reorganizing your bookshelf by mood. A cryptic message on Wednesday could be a game-changer, whether it’s a work opportunity or a flirty hint from your crush. Don’t overthink it; your gut’s got the answers. By Sunday, you’re ready to let loose, but avoid spilling tea in the group chat—your secrets are too juicy for public consumption. Lucky aura: Smoldering eye contact. Lucky escape: A solo movie night to recharge your enigma battery.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
Sag, you’re itching for adventure like a dog chasing its tail, but the stars say keep it local this week. A spontaneous plan on Tuesday—like a last-minute road trip or just hitting up a new coffee shop—will scratch that itch without derailing your budget. Work’s throwing curveballs, but your quick wit dodges them like a pro. Someone’s crushing on your free-spirit energy by Friday; play it cool, not “I’m booking a one-way to Bali” intense. Watch for a clumsy moment midweek—spilling your drink isn’t the vibe you’re going for. Lucky motto: “YOLO, but maybe with a plan.” Lucky treat: A dessert you don’t have to share.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)
Capricorn, you’re grinding harder than a barista during the morning rush, and the stars are begging you to take a breather. A work project wraps up by Thursday, earning you major props (and maybe a jealous side-eye from a colleague). Celebrate with a treat—yes, that overpriced smoothie counts. Socially, you’re dodging small talk like it’s a cardio workout, but a heart-to-heart with a friend on Saturday will recharge your soul. If you’re feeling flirty, drop a subtle hint instead of your usual “I’m too busy for love” excuse. Lucky power move: Saying “I’ll get back to you” and actually meaning it. Lucky scent: Freshly brewed ambition.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
Aquarius, you’re out here rewriting the rulebook, and the universe is taking notes. A quirky idea you toss out on Monday could spark a work breakthrough or just make your group chat lose it. Mars is boosting your rebel energy, so wear that weird thrift-store find with pride. Romance-wise, someone’s intrigued by your “IDGAF” vibe, but don’t ghost them for a week—that’s too aloof, even for you. Sunday’s perfect for a creative project, like starting a podcast or just doodling on your takeout bag. Lucky quirk: Your ability to make “fetch” happen. Lucky tech: A new app that sparks joy (or at least organizes your chaos).

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
Pisces, you’re swimming in a sea of feels, and the stars are tossing you a life raft. A dreamy moment on Wednesday—like a kind stranger’s smile or a song that hits your soul—reminds you life’s not all chaos. Your creativity’s peaking, so jot down that poem or TikTok idea before it floats away. A friend might lean on you for advice midweek; listen, but don’t let their drama drown your vibe. If you’re crushing, drop a hint by Friday—your subtle charm’s irresistible. Lucky escape: A long bath with your phone on “do not disturb.” Lucky crystal: Whatever shiny rock makes you feel like a mermaid.