Orion Moonsong, celestial eavesdropper extraordinaireโฆ
While weโre all busy with our earthly concerns, this astronomical busybody is up there tuning into the universeโs gossip channel, nodding along as Betelgeuse dishes the dirt on Rigelโs latest supernova fashion disaster or giggling when the Little Dipper shares a joke thatโs been traveling across the cosmos for light-years. Talk about having friends in high placesโOrionโs social network extends literally billions of miles in every direction!
Each week, Orion shares starry secrets with you, written in their notebook with glittery gel pens and decorated with tiny star stickers. The planets are Orionโs friends, and they tell Orion all sorts of helpful hints to pass along to you!
Buckle up, stargazersโthe cosmos is dishing out advice with a side of sass. Hereโs your witty, in-depth guide to navigating the week ahead, because the universe doesnโt do boring.
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
Oh, Aries, your vibe this week is like a firecracker in a windstormโexplosive, unpredictable, and maybe a little dangerous. The sunโs fueling your inner daredevil, so youโre itching to charge into something big, whether itโs a new project, a spicy flirtation, or an argument with your Wi-Fi router. Tuesdayโs your power day: the stars align to give your bold moves a cosmic high-five. Just donโt go full chaotic gremlin and, say, challenge your boss to a duel over the last donut. Midweek, Mars (your ruling planet) might tempt you to pick a fightโbreathe, count to ten, and save your warrior energy for the gym or a killer pitch. By the weekend, a surprise social invite could lead to laughs or a story youโll tell for years. Pro tip: Avoid impulsive purchases, like that $200 neon cowboy hat youโll wear exactly once.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
Taurus, youโre craving the good lifeโthink plush blankets, gourmet snacks, and zero drama. Too bad the universe is serving a kale smoothie of chaos instead. Early in the week, expect minor disruptions: a delayed package, a cryptic text from a friend, or a coworker who โreplies allโ with nonsense. Venus, your ruling planet, swoops in by Thursday, helping you find clarity in the mess (and maybe even in that laundry pile youโve dubbed โSculpture No. 3โ). This is a great time to treat yourselfโthink a fancy coffee or a new plant, not a diamond-encrusted waffle iron. Saturdayโs stars nudge you toward a heart-to-heart with someone close; itโll feel like a warm hug, even if itโs via Zoom. Pro tip: Your stubborn streak might flareโcompromise doesnโt mean defeat, it just means youโre not a toddler.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
Gemini, your brainโs a circus this week, juggling ideas, memes, and half-baked plans like a caffeinated ringmaster. Mercuryโs buzzing in your sign, making you extra chatty but also prone to scattering your focus like confetti. Wednesdayโs your day to lasso those wild thoughtsโpick one project or convo and give it your all. Youโll charm the socks off anyone, so save your wit for a new connection (or a pet adoption form) instead of texting your ex at 2 a.m. The stars warn of a Friday fumble: double-check emails before hitting send, unless you want your boss reading about your โepic taco night.โ By Sunday, a quirky hobby or random fact you share could spark a surprising bond. Pro tip: Silence your phone during deep talksโyour notifications are not the main character.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
Cancer, youโre channeling your inner hermit crab, ready to retreat into your cozy shell with a mug of tea and a rom-com marathon. But the moon, your celestial BFF, is pushing you to peek out and engage. Early week feels moodyโmaybe youโre overthinking a friendโs vague comment or stress-eating gummy bears. By Friday, a palโs invite (or a random DM) could pull you into a night of unexpected fun. Say yes, even if itโs just karaoke over video chatโit might be the highlight of your week or at least a hilarious disaster. Your intuitionโs sharper than ever, so trust it when making choices, like whether to ghost that sketchy โwellnessโ brand on Instagram. Pro tip: Set boundaries with energy vampires; your heartโs a treasure, not a free buffet.
Leo (July 23 – August 22)
Bow, peasantsโLeoโs stealing the spotlight this week, and youโre loving every second. The sunโs in your corner, making you magnetic enough to charm a room or a Zoom. Midweek, a work or creative opportunity sparkles like a disco ballโseize it, but donโt oversell yourself into promising a TED Talk by next month. Your confidence is peaking, but Jupiterโs throwing a tiny humility check: listen as much as you dazzle, or youโll miss a key detail. Saturdayโs perfect for strutting your stuff, whether itโs a bold outfit or a killer playlist. Romance-wise, someoneโs catching feels, but play it coolโnobody likes a lion who roars too loud. Pro tip: Resist the urge to post every moment; mystery is your secret weapon.
Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
Virgo, your to-do list is longer than a Tolkien novel, and youโre tackling it with the precision of a NASA engineer. But Mercuryโs mischievous this week, so expect a few hiccupsโthink misplaced keys or a spreadsheet that betrays you. Wednesdayโs your day to regroup: prioritize one task and let the rest wait (yes, even those fitted sheets). A surprise on Saturdayโmaybe a gift, a compliment, or a random act of kindnessโreminds you lifeโs not all checklists. Your analytical superpowers are in demand, so donโt be shocked if someone begs for your advice. Romantically, a subtle flirt could bloom, but only if you stop overthinking their emoji choices. Pro tip: Take a break to dance or doodleโitโs not procrastination, itโs soul maintenance.
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
Libra, youโre usually the zodiacโs diplomat, but this week feels like youโre juggling flaming torches while riding a unicycleโฆ blindfolded. Work or family drama might tip your scales early on, but Venus brings a calming breeze by Thursday, helping you make a decision youโve been dodging (like whether to ghost that group chat). Your charmโs dialed up, so flirt with confidenceโjust maybe not with your neighborโs sentient vacuum cleaner. The weekendโs ideal for aesthetic upgrades: redecorate, refresh your wardrobe, or at least curate a new playlist. A kind gesture from a stranger could restore your faith in humanity. Pro tip: Say no to one obligationโyouโre not a circus clown, despite the juggling act.
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
Scorpio, your intensityโs cranked to maximum, and the universe is handing you a megaphone. Around Tuesday, someone notices your magnetic auraโcould be a crush, a colleague, or even a random barista who comps your coffee. Use your powers for good, not for plotting revenge over that coworker who stole your stapler. Plutoโs stirring your depths, so expect a revelation by Sunday, maybe during a late-night chat or a scroll through old photos. Money-wise, avoid impulse buys (no, you donโt need a scorpion-shaped lamp). Your dreams are extra vividโjot them down; they might hold clues. Pro tip: Let one grudge go; itโs taking up prime real estate in your soul.
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
Adventureโs whispering your name, Sag, but it might just be a telemarketer from the cosmos. Before you yeet yourself into the unknown (or book a spontaneous trip to a place you canโt pronounce), ground yourself. Fridayโs stars highlight a chance to learnโmaybe a new skill, a random documentary, or a friendโs wild life hack. Jupiterโs boosting your optimism, making you the life of every party, virtual or otherwise. Just donโt let your enthusiasm trick you into overspending or oversharing (that group chat doesnโt need your manifesto). Romance sparks if you keep it lightโthink playful banter, not a marriage proposal. Pro tip: Pack snacks for your adventures; hanger is your true nemesis.
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)
Cap, youโre climbing the ambition mountain, but this weekโs path has some loose rocks. Saturnโs testing your patienceโthink delayed emails or a project thatโs suddenly โurgent.โ Double-check details on Wednesday to avoid a slip-up thatโll haunt your inbox. Your hard work pays off by Friday, when a boss or mentor notices your hustle. The weekendโs for unwinding: trade your laptop for a glass of something strong and a good book. A small romantic or family moment could warm your pragmatic heartโjust donโt schedule the feels like a meeting. Pro tip: Delegate one task; youโre not a superhero, even if your capeโs in the mail.
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
Aquarius, your brainโs a lightning storm of ideas, and youโre ready to revolutionizeโฆ something. Uranus, your rebel planet, is sparking genius, but also a touch of chaosโthink โEureka!โ followed by โWhereโs my phone?โ Thursdayโs your day to channel those wild thoughts into a project, pitch, or even a viral post. Connect with someone who matches your quirky energy; theyโll get your alien jokes or at least nod politely. Avoid debates with stubborn types midweekโtheyโre not ready for your TED Talk. A random act of kindness could boomerang back to you by Sunday. Pro tip: Write down your ideas; your brainโs not a steel trap, itโs more like a colander.
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
Pisces, youโre swimming in an ocean of emotions, and Neptuneโs turning up the tide. Early week might feel like youโre lost in a fogโblame it on a vague text or a song that hits too hard. By Friday, your creative juices are flowing like a cosmic paint spillโdive into art, writing, or even a TikTok dance. A kind gesture from an unexpected source (maybe a coworker or a stranger) could make your heart do a happy flip. Trust your instincts on money or love decisions; your gutโs smarter than that โfinance guruโ on YouTube. Pro tip: Set a timer for daydreams, or youโll miss your bus stopโฆ again.
Disclaimer: The stars are just vibing, not legally binding. If your week goes sideways, blame Mercuryโitโs always up to no good.
